My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Too much gin, very little bucket
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
