just come out here and I will go home with you...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
