I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
