Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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