Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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