I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
