he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
