How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
