if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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