respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
