my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
