She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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