You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
