Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize