I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
