It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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