is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
