I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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