and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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