I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
