i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
