I wish I could punch you in the face.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
