Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and she was petting her beer can
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
