I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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