I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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