Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
