She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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