my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
