Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize