I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
