remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We need to rekindle our bromance
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He shit in the fireplace
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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