Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
