C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
