Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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