chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
