3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
