i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
