hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
