I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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