we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we're making bets on your personal life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
