i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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