Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
