did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
