he told me I talked like a deaf person
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
