FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
