WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
