Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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