I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
