Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
