I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize