i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
