I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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