Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I will be naked everywhere
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
