i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i think i just lost a toe
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
