i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
