I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
